I have difficulty describing just how tired I am. I am typing at 1/4 speed and my brain is as sluggish as, well, as slug. In winter. Not a slug facing fresh new green pea shoots in the garden. No way. Winter slug. That’s me.
Tears on Monday due to existential feelings of failure and worthlessness and just plain craziness at this Virtuous Bread idea and who wants it anyway? Cancelled Monday’s social engagement and sat on the sofa eating chocolate and watching nature programmes on I Player. Tears on Saturday morning due to exhaustion. Went to bed at about 8.30. I am a barrel of laughs. Poor Rose got the brunt of the existential angst down the phone hot line from London to Leicester on both Monday and Saturday. Poor Danny got the caffeine fuelled coping version of myself by Friday who, to add insult to injury, could not even have dinner with him because I had to go work at a function. Poor Jackie got a late delivery on Saturday. Yawn. I begin to bore myself.
Having relayed all the gloom and doom I did teach several wonderful people this week and want to thank all of them. On Tuesday, a delightful group of women, all good friends of each other, who had recently lost a friend to cancer, took the basic bread class. They enjoyed it, chatted, laughed, baked bread to serve their families the next day and will, I hope, become regular bakers. It was amazing to see how six clearly clever and intelligent women doubt themselves so profoundly. I know, from some of the e mail reportage that their children loved the bread they made so maybe they are feeling better about themselves. I hope so. On Wednesday I taught the all day sourdough class (100% rye sourdough, pain blanc/noir/melee, sourdough crackerbreads) and met some lovely like minded people who were delighted to meet each other – always nice. Thursday saw Bread Angels 3 and, as ever, I learned a lot. Saturday was another basic bread class with a group of great people – I think we laughed the whole time which was just what I needed. Sunday was the second Local Treasures market (for me) at the Wheatsheaf pub in Fulham. Better bread sales, methinks. People are beginning to find it and I hope that the new flyers created by Jennifer will start to entice people to become Bread Angels.
A good night’s sleep and a little yoga has done wonders and this week will be dedicated to admin. VAT, Taxes, new bank accounts, and decisions:
1. I will only teach three times a week.
2. I will pull back to teaching at 23 RVG. The other venues are fine but they are too institutional and they require travel across London and that is really a drag when I have to lug everything with me. I know what I need and that is somewhere that is homey (Virtuousbread.com is all about forging the link between bread and virtue – ie bread and relationships – hard to do in a really institutional space) AND where I can leave my stuff.
3. I will book a holiday.
Here is the call to action:
If you have, or know anybody who has a wonderful kitchen in which we could teach and where we could leave kit and ingredients please tell us. Don’t get a lodger – rent out your kitchen instead. It will be three times a week max. We don’t leave hair in the bath tub. We don’t stay the night. We don’t take your food. We clean up. We may not pay as much as a lodger but then again we are not there a lot. You will barely notice – especially if you have a cupboard for bags of flour AND you will come home (if you are there) to a wonderful smell of freshly baked bread. We can pay something in money. We can definitely pay in bread. Think about it – you know it makes sense!
Bake and break baby, bake and break.